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Atheist Holiday Food
Every year about this time I struggle a bit due to my upbringing (christian) and my status as a devout atheist. As many atheists I have a lot of great memories of the holidays and especially christmas. In essence, christmas is no longer a christian holiday, it was long ago taken over by Hallmark and Walmart, but still, it has the word Christ in it which makes me a bit uncomfortable.
One of my favorite parts of the holidays has always been the food. I am constantly looking for food to do a few things at this time of year:
1. Somehow feel like the holidays
2. Make me a bit fatter, or drunker
3. Be non standard - Off the beaten path - Gluttonous, or something.
Now, that being said, numbers 1 and 2 are easy, number 3 is a bit subjective and honestly not required. But it does tend to lighten the mood and add a bit of humor which is also a nice thing this time a year.
Here is a short list of holiday inspired goods that will add that bit of holiday magic you are searching for:
Absinthe Cupcakes
Everyone likes sweets this time of year. Some go for pies, some go for candies, I prefer to go for cakey baked goods. Nothing quite says the holidays like absinthe flavored cupcakes. What does absinthe taste like you might ask? Well, it tastes like heaven!
Apple Pie
Nothing says blasphemy like commercializing your christmas. This one always cracks me up because in the same breath people say that christmas has become too commercial while they wait outside a walmart at 4am on black friday to get their kids the prized buzz lightyear or whatever-the-fuck is flying off the shelves this year.
Bacon Roll
Im not sure if Jesus ate bacon, I'm not all that well versed on Jesus to be honest. But if Jesus was presented a weaved roll of bacon filled with cheese, Im sure he would go for it. Something would be wrong if he didn't. Amirite?
Turbaconducken
Nothing screams christianity like a bit of gluttony. Why not fill your fat face this time of year with a chicken, inside a duck, inside a turkey all WRAPPED IN BACON. Seriously tho.
Egg Nog Kalashnikov
This is my all time favorite holiday beverage. I'm sure you could go all out and make your own egg nog full of brandy and whatever-the-fuck but this is better ... trust me. In a nutshell, this egg nog is a white russian, just with no milk. You substitute egg nog for the milk/cream and drink until you can't anymore. Leave this out for Santa on christmas eve ... he'll thank you.
If you've gotten this far into this seasonal post I hope you agree, if not in principal, than that at least the food looks fun and interesting. Hell, I don't care if christmas is about Christ to you, believe what you want to, I will too! Did I have to make this post about atheism? Nah, but I thought it was funnier, and really ... don't we all need some humor right about now?
One of my favorite parts of the holidays has always been the food. I am constantly looking for food to do a few things at this time of year:
1. Somehow feel like the holidays
2. Make me a bit fatter, or drunker
3. Be non standard - Off the beaten path - Gluttonous, or something.
Now, that being said, numbers 1 and 2 are easy, number 3 is a bit subjective and honestly not required. But it does tend to lighten the mood and add a bit of humor which is also a nice thing this time a year.
Here is a short list of holiday inspired goods that will add that bit of holiday magic you are searching for:
Absinthe Cupcakes
Everyone likes sweets this time of year. Some go for pies, some go for candies, I prefer to go for cakey baked goods. Nothing quite says the holidays like absinthe flavored cupcakes. What does absinthe taste like you might ask? Well, it tastes like heaven!
Apple Pie
Nothing says blasphemy like commercializing your christmas. This one always cracks me up because in the same breath people say that christmas has become too commercial while they wait outside a walmart at 4am on black friday to get their kids the prized buzz lightyear or whatever-the-fuck is flying off the shelves this year.
Bacon Roll
Im not sure if Jesus ate bacon, I'm not all that well versed on Jesus to be honest. But if Jesus was presented a weaved roll of bacon filled with cheese, Im sure he would go for it. Something would be wrong if he didn't. Amirite?
Turbaconducken
Nothing screams christianity like a bit of gluttony. Why not fill your fat face this time of year with a chicken, inside a duck, inside a turkey all WRAPPED IN BACON. Seriously tho.
Egg Nog Kalashnikov
This is my all time favorite holiday beverage. I'm sure you could go all out and make your own egg nog full of brandy and whatever-the-fuck but this is better ... trust me. In a nutshell, this egg nog is a white russian, just with no milk. You substitute egg nog for the milk/cream and drink until you can't anymore. Leave this out for Santa on christmas eve ... he'll thank you.
If you've gotten this far into this seasonal post I hope you agree, if not in principal, than that at least the food looks fun and interesting. Hell, I don't care if christmas is about Christ to you, believe what you want to, I will too! Did I have to make this post about atheism? Nah, but I thought it was funnier, and really ... don't we all need some humor right about now?
That bacon cheese thing just looks revolting, though.